I've been resisting. To let go, release control, release the high FODMAPs from my diet.
I'm
a certifiable, type A-personality, who thrives on control. I pretty
much freaked out when I was diagnosed with SIBO and the potential that I
would have to change my diet... again (read more about it here.) Having removed gluten(mostly)
many moons ago, then dairy, then eggs, then moving onto the AIP paleo
diet where I further removed grains, legumes, night shades, nuts, and
seeds, I could not possibly see how I would be able to move onto a
potentially more restrictive diet of low FODMAPs as well.
Over the last several months, I've been feeling like my diet has been moving closer to that of an eating disorder or so called orthorexia. And because of this, I started incorporating more "not great" for me foods into my diet including dark chocolate and avocado oil potato chips (call the food police!). Feeling like I was eating more "regular people" foods gave me that sense of normalcy. I needed this, it was important to me at that moment.
Now my nutritionist has
recommended a strict low FODMAPs diet (as well as mostly Paleo) and I have been feeling the stress
of eating 100% on this diet, afraid to fail, afraid to be
imperfect.
And it's only DAY 2! This has included some crazy nightmares where I am surrounded by food, of which nothing I can eat.
I'm working on changing my
perspective around this experience but it's pretty freakin hard. How do you
release control of your diet (and release the high FODMAPs) while at the same time exhibiting
such insane control over your food?????
A good
portion of autoimmune sufferers happen to be type A nut-jobs just like
me. And I speak with a loving comedic, yet scientific heart when I say this. Here's a study which links autoimmune disease to type A personality. There's even researchers looking into this and they've created this survey you can take to help them understand more about it.
Controlling is what we do best.
Controlling makes us feel like there won't be the unexpected.
Controlling makes us feel like we will be prepared when something unexpected happens.
Controlling the outside world (including others) gives us a false perception of stability and comfort.
Somewhere
along our complicated past, our emotional sense got rocked (some experienced more wind on the sailboat then others.) Most
likely it was when we were wee little ones. A lovely combination of
genetics (SNPs) plus our environment, along with our perceptions produced this jagged puzzle piece within
our biosystems.
Emotional sensory processing
disorder is a thing. And you probably have it (or at least a little of it.) Because our emotional
sense got knocked a little off balance, we found it easier to control
that around us, since we were unable to control that sweet jagged puzzle piece inside
of ourselves.
I'm gettin' a little deep here. I'm not gonna delve into childhood trauma, etc but I just want to point us in the direction of why we are the way we are. Why we seek that control. You see, two kids can go thru the same
emotional trauma/stress and can come out of it completely differently.
One kid winds up in a psych ward and
the other one becomes Steve Jobs (see the trailer.)
Once
you realize why you're a control freak (because your emotional sense
got disrupted) it's time to attempt to forgive ourselves, send ourselves
love, and get on our own sides. Because no one else is a guaranteed teammate. And you're in this body and soul for life.
This
is hard, it's not easy, I haven't "perfected" this. And the good thing
is, we don't have to. We just have to recognize and accept. There's no "A's" given out for this scorecard.
So, back to FODMAPs.
It's what I gotta do.
It's only a couple months.
It's to make me feel better and help my gut heal.
I don't have to be perfect at it.
I can release control, surrender it all, and as Gabrielle Bernstein would say "let the universe do her thing."
P.S. I really like all of Gabby's work. Be guided on some meditations with her and follow her on instagram for some words of inspiration.
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